Everything takes time and that's just how life works.

I feel kind of empty and tired. Extremely exhausted, even though I've done nothing.

I've heard a lot of good news these days, in which a lot of my acquintances moving forward with their life, with their career, their decision on what they are going to do or what they're gonna be in many years ahead, their love life, some even having a kid. I'm genuinely happy for them that i couldn't hold my tears. I really wish all the great things in life for them, as I'm also wishing the same thing for me as well. I believe it wouldn't be fair to get jealous over people's timeline and how life works out for them, while I only know a brisk story of them. How they survive, how they live their life, how life has actually been working out for them, I totally have no idea and wouldn't dare to compare.

However, as I'm approaching my 25, I'm slowly feeling like I'm going through the thing that have been faced by many, "The Quarter-Life Crisis". I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like I'm lacking so much. I'm not that good at what I'm doing and I'm afraid I'll never be good enough at it. I'm just faking it. It's embarassing to say that I don't enjoy what I'm doing but at the same time I don't even know what I really want to do. I just live life while everyday wondering what's gonna be in store for me. What am I becoming. By saying "I don't really know what I really want to do" doesn't meant that I'm that clueless and I have no thoughts at all. I do know what I want to do, but those are just flakes of desires that I don't know how to put into rigid goals. I've opened up about this to a friend, and that friend told me that it's pathetic of me that I don't know what I want to do at this age. Welp, agreed, it's pathetic. Agreed, but it still hurts. The moment that words being said, I totally regretted the decision to blurted out that concern of mine. I should've known better to keep it to myself, because no one will ever be able to understand or sympathize to that, as I'm the only one who face and feel this wheel of emotions. And again, I'm not blaming them for it. 

I'm scared at the thought of being stuck at my current workplace for a long time (which I really hope I wont and I will be able to move out to another better place as soon as possible, this year I hope, aamiin to that). I'm not even sure when and how will I meet my significant other, while I'm already on my mid 20. I hate that even though the confidence is getting better, it still hasn't hit that phase where I can be totally in peace with 'myself' and not thinking of what people might think of my flaws. I'm scared that I'll never be the daughter my parents can be proud of. 

I'm afraid that I'm facing "slump" again. I know what I have to do to be able to start the journey of getting out of The Quarter-Life Crisis, but I have no energy to do that. I just feel tired. Welp, this is not helping the situation at all, hence why I'm frustated with myself. I have to push myself but I feel too tired to do it. But I have to. I have to. You have to. Don't get comfortable with where you are, Dhea. Push yourself, It'll only be tired for a period of time but it's better than feeling empty, right? Just like what you've been doing all these years, thing takes time. Everything takes time for you. It takes an extra effort for you to be a better Dhea. You already know it. Just like this writing that you've been yearning to write but got no energy and the will to type, you finally and eventually almost finish it. Just like how you werent able to put your emotions into words these last 2 weeks, you eventually able to do it, today. Everything takes time. You shouldn't be afraid. You shouldn't be feeling tired this fast. You haven't even started yet. I hope this writing can be something that you can read on from time to time, to remind you to always strive forwards and to always be able to believe in yourself, that you can.